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Have a journal or a notebook handy so you can make some notes as you go along. Being on the defense is a way of blaming your partner for what is happening, rather than taking responsibility for how you are feeling.

This is also a good time to abandon any patterns of victimization.

Using words that encourage victimization bolster you to an emotional state that renders you powerless.

That doesn’t serve you and it certainly doesn’t serve your spouse.

Over time and as two people fall into a routine, if the relationship isn’t tended to on a daily basis, the couple will lose sight of the relationship and of each other.

Careers, children, and day-to-day responsibilities take the lead and the relationship falls to the wayside.

Try it on by saying it out loud a few times to yourself first and see how it feels.

Imagine if your partner were communicating this to you and make any necessary adjustments based on how you would prefer to be spoken to.

And how do you figure out how a person feels about you — or tell them how you feel about them — without either of you feeling uncomfortable?

Harsh start-ups commonly begin with some form of criticism, like It’s always best to initiate your conversation with a soft start-up and when things are good between the two of you.

Here are four simple steps to help you craft and deliver your message clearly and consciously.

Whenever we experience emotional turbulence, our ability to effectively communicate tends to fly straight out the window.

The best approach is to avoid talking when things are heated and also refrain from going into it with a harsh start-up.